Devising a Safety Plan

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If you are going to have anonymous sex or sexual encounters with people you meet online, I want to offer a few tips that can help you stay safe(r) than if you did not have a Safety Plan in place.

  • Do not bring the person to your home. No matter what. Do not let them convince you with: “I don’t have money for a hotel,” “I promise, we’ll be fast,” “I’m the Dominant and you have to do what I say.” None of that, or anything else, qualifies as a reason to take a stranger to your home. NEVER bring a “date” to your home. They can case your space and come back and rob you. They can see if you have family and blackmail you. The why NOT to’s are endless.
  • Do your best to never go to the home of a stranger or someone you have known for a short time.
  • Be VERY careful having ANY sex in a public place. Going to jail is neither fun nor sexy. I know first-hand.

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  • Go to a hotel! There are many reasons, but one is it is neutral ground. There are also people around if you need help.
  • Arrange a check-in with someone you trust. If any trusted friends know of your activities, let them know where you are going and what time.
  • Call your check-in friend before you go in the room and again, afterward, when you get in the car to let them know you are fine.
  • Or, you can ask your check-in friend to call you to make sure everything is cool after a certain amount of time… 30 min? 45? You decide.

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  • Have a benign word or phrase to use as a “Safeword” when your check-in friend calls if things are not going well and you need help… something like, “Yeah, the news has been bad today,” or “Yeah, my car needs to go in the shop.” Something regular the other person would not recognize as a call for help, but a definite alert for your friend.
  • If you have no one to tell, make sure you go to a hotel and work out an arrangement with the clerk. Have him knock on the door in an hour, perhaps. Or if you have not checked in with him in a couple of hours, he can knock, and if there is no answer, come in to make sure all is well.

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  • Do not exchange money with anonymous sex! The last thing you want is to be arrested for prostitution and have your face on the news. If the date offers money, that is a high alert for the person being a cop. My advice is to leave.

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  • Listen to your instincts! We all know that feeling of doom, that horrible creeping feeling that goes up our spines and sets our hair on end. If you feel like something is wrong, TRUST THAT! If, at any time, you want to leave, LEAVE. You owe no one an explanation. You do not owe them an orgasm. You do not owe them one thing. If you begin and want to stop… for whatever reason (the person is filthy/it isn’t what you thought it would be/you think, “I’m not ready for this!”)… ANY REASON… you have the right to leave.

NO MEANS NO for you, too.

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While No Means No sounds fabulous, if you are leaving in the middle of sex, the other person might get pissed, so have your exit strategy ready so all you have to do is get out the door. Keep your phone and keys in your pants. Go outside the door naked and put your pants on out there if the person behind you is hollering at you to get back and finish what you started. GET AWAY as fast as you can.

I would say that most anonymous sex sessions, when interrupted with a person changing their mind, go perfectly fine. But, just have things worked out in your head and IF the situation calls for it, you will be ready.