You know exactly what I am talking about, don’t you. You might even be turning red thinking I am going to disclose your deepest secret. Well, what kind of a Sadistic Bitch would I be if I didn’t exploit your embarrassment for my pleasure?
Humping Inanimate Objects – for My Amusement
A submissive sissy-friend I tease periodically, randomly told me that she was putting laundry in the washer and how she had to stay in the garage to babysit it or it would shudder its way across the floor during the spin cycle. My twisted mind thought about all the girls I’ve known over the years who’ve masturbated while sitting on washers or dryers, the vibrations hitting just the right spots for an orgasm.
So, I, off-handedly, mentioned this to my subbie girlfriend, suggesting she try it out and she took it upon herself to make it an actual assignment. I did ask her to please tell me what happened after the clothes were in the dryer, but didn’t think she would take me so seriously.
I underestimated her considerably.
Here is part of her email to me reporting back.
“The spin cycle had a faster vibration, and actually felt pretty good if I got right onto the corner of the machine. It felt better than the agitation cycle but still I couldn’t quite get to the point of it feeling “Really Good”. I tried pressing against the corner with my panties on, and with them pulled down. I tried with my clitty aiming up so the sensitive spot was directly against the machine and also with it aiming down. I even tried sliding up and down the front edge of the machine while I was pressing into it.
“No matter what I did, I was just getting more and more frustrated because no matter how fast I pressed and humped, I couldn’t get close to the point where I might actually get some pleasure out of it. I have to say that after a few minutes, I felt really silly and embarrassed to be humping a metal box, but kept going until the wash was done anyway.”
Laughing Until I Cried
I cannot begin to tell you how amused I am when you guys and gals tell me your shameful secret about dry humping inanimate objects:
Pillow
Desk Legs
Edge of Bathtub
What things do you dry hump? (Or hump until it is a wet hump!) I command you to tell me. Let me laugh some more!
Thank you for the great laugh, Ms. Daphne! Isn’t it amazing how many things a horny human can find to dry hump?! One of the most amusing objets d’hump I ever heard about was from a guy who decided to bang his mailbox. He “just wanted to know how it would feel to rub up against the cool metal” – repeatedly. I couldn’t help but ask him if his furious humping got the mailbox so excited that its red flag went up! Just when you think you’ve heard it all… 😉
And you made ME bust up laughing! The red flag?!?! Hysterical! That definitely is a new one on me. He was outside? Rural area I hope? At night? During the day? I am completely fascinated.
Thank you, dearest EmmaJane, for busting me up laughing this morning. I am still giggling.
Finally getting a chance to comment. This was hilarious! hehe And humping the mailbox until it’s red flag went up? OMG! hahahahaha
I know, right? I am still laughing about that.
Thanks, jemmie, for commenting! (¡Como siempre!)
Very funny indeed. I guess this really proves if you’re a male all you really need is to have a healthy dose of testosterone and curiosity. I’m sure many guys have already discovered the majority of the inanimate objects suggested.
Oh, I am so sure you are correct, Ms. Cindy… I can hardly imagine guys not having tried those things and a hundred more!
Wasn’t the mailbox clever?! That is one I wouldn’t have remotely considered (it being in public and all).
Love what you say about testosterone and curiosity! So, SO right!!
Thanks so much for commenting. Love seeing you here!
Ms. Daphne, isn’t that THE most amusing mental image?! I roared for days after that and couldn’t drive down the road without noticing every mailbox I saw, wondering if they’d ever been defiled by a randy cock, and questioning in what kinds of craziness my male neighbors might be involved when I’m not looking. Obviously, you never know!
It seems Mr. Pecker Postman, who lived in a somewhat rural area and on a residential street where the neighbors were not immediately on top of each other, decided that he’d ease outside in the dead of night and sneak down his driveway to the rendezvous point. He said there was a hedgerow on one side of the mailbox, so he tried to strategically position himself in the edge of the bushes before making his move and “mailing his package”.
All I could think about is what I would have given for a car alarm to go off at one his neighbors’ homes or someone to drive by and blow the horn! I would have required oxygen!! 😀
You cannot hear me screaming with laughter over here, but I will say how happy I am I just peed before reading this.
Your description of the clandestine “affair” is exquisitely delicious. But, but, but… I bet hearing it from him first-hand made you absolutely unglued with laughter.
That, most definitely, is one of the funniest stories I have ever heard about masturbation.
wiping tears of hilarity