I was asked this question so often, I decided I needed to write the answer down so I/we could refer to it often.
Happily, LDW gave the post its own spot for a reference and I am glad to share that here!
Gender Terms and What They Mean
Part of the post says:
“I am privileged to talk to such an amazing variety of folks, many of whom are in varying phases of exploration, questioning or transition and these words – Sex, Gender Identity and Sexual Orientation – often end up in a jumble of confusion. It’s time to fix that!
The Venn Diagram above demonstrates that each of those words have zero to do with each other. Each is completely independent of the other.
Biological Sex = What is between your legs at birth.
Gender Identity = What your brain tells you you are: Boy? Girl? Both? Neither?
Sexual Orientation = Who you are attracted to: Men? Women? Both? Trans* folks? All of the above?
(Some lists about these terms include Romantic Orientation as well. Your Romantic Orientation might differ from your Sexual Orientation. A straight ciswoman who falls in love with a lesbian, for example.)”
To read the entire piece, please CLICK HERE!
I would love to hear your thoughts about the post as well. Was it helpful? Clarify things?
I’m straight and I’m into only women. I also like to wear women’s clothes/women’s clogs/mules/knee high/ankle boots along with bras/panties/lipstick/perfume as well as girlish lotions. What I want is to find women who wants to dress me as a women, put makeup/lipstick/perfume on me and keep me this way. I’m a sissy cream puff cup cake crossdresser 🙁 I’ve been doing this for 18 years and have no plan to quit. I’ve met 2 girls who don’t know of this as I’m afraid to tell them, though one wanted me to wear leggings. I told if she wants me to I would but she said she was only joking:( she also ripped me a new one for driving off while she was stuck in her driveway. She said she needs me to be there for her and I told her I would. This friend ship is now a relationship as she’s taken control and I don’t want to upset her again. She said I’m really sensitive and it’s perfectly fine, that to me senses she has strong dominant side and I have submissive weak side, I’ve never had this happen to me before and now it has. My days of doing what I want are over. With my fetish in dressing the only way I can get off is calling ldw, how can I bring up dressing without severe ramifications as I’m afraid both will dump me:(?
This was a really great point you made, Ms. Daphne! Gender, sex, and sexual orientation can all stand independent from one another. The interesting things about our callers is that we talk to people from all walks of gender, sex, and orientation! I find that these categories work on a sliding scale, rather than an either or.
I absolutely agree with you that all those words/definitions are on a spectrum. “Sliding scale” is so accurate. Fluid. Moving back and forth, for sure.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience, Ms. Piper! Love that all of us girls know these experiences so well.
Thanks Ms. Daphne. This was really informative and helpful. This question is a common one, so I will keep your blog handy and direct callers to check it out! So many shades of grey (and not the movie kind) as every one is unique and different. Great post!
Thank you so, so much, Ms. Meredith! I am glad it was helpful. I’d wanted to write it for ages and finally got it done. 🙂 I do hope it will be referred to often.
Thanks so much for writing!
Ms. Daphne, this post was great! So many people have been led to believe that these terms are intertwined, which they are not. I find it interesting, that society took so long to actually open up the discussion about this. Whether people want to believe it or not, our sexuality is more on the fluid side.
Absolutely, Ms. Lena! Fluidity, for sure. But it does help to clarify the different aspects of our sexuality and gender. I agree that it has taken society ten eons to catch up!
Gender wise I fall in between Androgynous and Gender Fluid. Sexuality I’m not sure other than I know I’m not Straight. I know I’m at least bi but not sure if I’m gay as I’ve become more and more attracted to men. I wonder if my attraction to women has just been envy all along. So I’m definitely fluid in those shades of gray.
Great piece.
Thank you, Stephanie! So, it’s clear you are on that sliding-scale-spectrum, yes? It’s complicated when we are pushed to define our labels. It’s why so many push back *against* labels. I am one who LOVES labels, but I fuck with people’s head (not on purpose, I promise!) when I say I am lesbian, but I also love dick. I feel it’s no different than straight men who love dick, too. Know what I mean?
Have you considered the label (if you still want one, of course) of pansexual? Pan folks are sexually (and often emotionally) attracted to ALL bodies and minds… straight, gay, men, women, trans, genderqueer, etc. Perhaps it fits? Only you know for sure, of course. No one gets to label us but ourselves.
Thanks so much for commenting! Really. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts.
I love labels. There’s nothing wrong with defining who you are. Plus I find some labels humiliating and a turn on.
I know what you mean by those men who say they’re straight yet love cock.
I haven’t thought about labeling myself as Pansexual. Though I have thought I might be homoflexible. Who knows, I’ll find out one day.
Thank you so much for the feedback.
I do like “HomoFlexible” a LOT!
I am a Label Girl myself, so am with you on finding them and wearing them proudly… and shifting them when necessary.
Keep me up-to-date on yours!