In Masturbation Woobies (Part 1), I begin the discourse by letting you guys & gals who use something in order to masturbate know you are perfectly normal. In Masturbation Woobies (Part 2), questions about disclosing your needs abound. Many are addressed, but this piece talks about the down and dirty airing of your secret with a lover.
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I end Part 2 by saying, in part:
“…you are right. It is a step off the high dive to expose your need to your partner. But, you are not the only one that does!
So do they!
“We all have secret behaviors.
“EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. OF. US.”
Weighing the Tell
As a relationship begins, disclosure of these secret behaviors is scary as fuck, but these are the risks of loving another person. I know, as you’re going through your list of secret-things-you-will-never-tell-another-soul in your head, you are really putting them on a scale, figuring out, if, for an amazing possible-lover, you would tell.
On one side of the scale is:
- Are they going to laugh (not in an “isn’t that the sweetest thing ever?!” way, but in a mean way)? Leave? Tell others?
The other side of the scale looks like:
- If they do laugh, I have endless options, but the 3 obvious ones are: I will promise not to do it again/hide it from them/end the relationship.
- If they leave, they don’t deserve my confidence or love anyway. (This might need some good therapy to believe, but it is freakin’ true!)
- If they tell others is the least in your control. Know your partner before you choose to tell him/her/them! If the person is a gossip, they are not the right one to tell, know that from the outset. And if they do tell, so what if they snicker behind your back. It is unlikely they would ever say anything to you. Besides, their partners might be doing the exact same thing you are!
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The Final Choice…
…belongs to you.
I know, that was not what you wanted to hear. All of this was written not to answer the question of whether you should tell others or not, but to let you know you are perfectly normal in wanting/needing to use something to excite you. I do so hope you hear that. I’ll say it again for emphasis.
You are perfectly normal.
What’s nice about talking to us Mistresses is we can role play with you how to talk to someone about your woobie-needs. We can go over the options with you, letting you hear, out loud, how your discussion might go down with your partner.
Much good luck to you wonderful woobie boys and girls!
long fuzzy pillow
Wow, Ms. Daphne, this post and this series of posts is SO amazing!!! I guess that it speaks to the counselor in me, lol. But, these things ARE often hard to speak about (as you said) and it’s not easy and or safe (in same cases) to just tell anyone how we masturbate, what we might use to enhance our masturbation,etc! But, having the chance to share and even play it out with someone like you Ms. Daphne who is completely safe and sexy and fun would be nothing short of amazing and so helpful! 🙂
Oh, Ms. Mandy!
Your opinion means so so much to me! And that you are a counselor, wow… I am so glad I did a good enough job.
And you are right… not disclosing everything in my mind and life was a hard-won lesson for me as I grew up. Being betrayed one time too many, I learned to keep my mouth shut and now try and impart to others we are, most definitely, permitted our own pasts, private thoughts and private actions. Just because we love someone does not they deserve a key into the deepest recesses of our minds and hearts. Thank you for reminding all of us that fact.
Thanks, also for the kind words about clients sharing with me. Clearly, I am not the only one. soft smile I would share my private thoughts with you any day.
loving hug
The biggest shock I had was when my lover of many years finally confessed HIS big secret. I’ve known this lovely human for over 8 years, and he knows how nothing can really shock me–and yet he just recently told me his big secret. I wonder sometimes why it took him so long, what it was I was doing that didn’t allow him to feel safe, but I think it’s just what your post is talking about. He wasn’t ready to take a chance on me not understanding him, not thinking he was sexually desirable if I knew his secret. I love the fact that he trusted me to tell me the thing he’d never told anyone else. Because it was difficult, it made it all the more precious. Great post, Ms. Daphne. Very insightful! 🙂
Wow, Ms. Piper! How wonderful he was able to finally share his secret. What an immense relief that must have been for him, yes? I love that you didn’t feel badly or guilty that you did something to keep him from telling you. Sometimes it just takes people in our lives time… their own time… to find the right words.
To share along the same lines, my partner came out trans after 20+ years together. He’d known since he was a child, but couldn’t figure out, first, what to do about it… second, how to tell anyone, me included, what he was deep inside. While I am thrilled for his authenticity, it did end the relationship. He remains my most beloved friend, but his secret did require our separation. heavy sigh
Anyway, I understand why people keep quiet.
Thank you so much for sharing your story!