Am I Transgender?
As a Mistress, I get asked this at least a couple of times a week, so I thought I would address it here. If you are asking this question, I am sure you have Googled it already, so have read what others, including the professionals, have to say. I will share my experiences with transgender folks and hopefully help you work through things if you are asking, “Am I transgender?”
My Own Transgender History
My former partner and I were in a lesbian relationship for over 20 years before she (he) came out transgender FtM (female to male). I was a part of the transition process for 3+ years, from starting hormones to getting a penis, before we ended the partnership part of our relationship. (We remain the loves of each others’ lives, best of friends and confidantes even though we live 3000 miles away.) I no longer think of him as a she and even when telling stories of our youth, I use male pronouns.
When I was with my former partner, I met dozens of FtM and MtF (Male to Female) transfolks from the entire trans spectrum. Some were on hormones, others didn’t want to use hormones but had their breasts enlarged. Still others who considered themselves trans never intend to take hormones or alter their bodies in any way.
Important Note: The transgender person gets to name themselves: Cross Dresser, Sissy, Transexual, “Tranny”, “Shemale”, Transwoman, Transman, Transgender, etc. It is also important to know that “Tranny” and “Shemale” are incredibly offensive in regular discussions and are typically used only in porn and sex work for the titillation of men. When you talk to me on the phone, I often use the term T-Girl… a gentle, kind and respectful moniker to use for transwomen until they name themselves for me.
Really, really, you do not have to be on any specific road medically or surgically to consider yourself trans. Being trans is in your brain… do you FEEL like you are a gender that isn’t between your legs… that is the real question that needs to be answered.
When you dream, are you the gender opposite of what your sex is? When you fantasize, are you a woman (if your genitals read man)? Do you envy the opposite gender? Wishing you could do the things s/he is able to do? Do you sneak bits of the other gender into your life? Wearing panties? Sitting down to pee? Shaving? Of course, not everyone that does these things is the opposite gender, but the more you answer “yes” to these questions, the more you might consider if you really are transgender or not.
And I have not even begun the discussion of the variety of genders that are not just male and female.
The question, “Am I transgender?” requires much more than one small blog post to answer, but I wanted to write this one as a jumping off place, somewhere for us to start the conversation. I welcome the discussion and look forward to seeing where we can go from here.
And of course, no matter WHO you are… you are a human being who deserves love and respect. I honor you.
Transgender Mistress Daphne 1-800-601-6975
Yes
Thanks for this Mistress Daphne. It’s really reassuring of what I feel. Yes!!! I do fantasize as a Woman. I do envy Women. Their inherent power and sexuality. Yes, I often wish I could do the things they did !!! Wear what I want without judgement or condemnation, express emotions. Wishing you could do the things s/he is able to do? I often wear panties, sit down to pee and shave my hairy bits ???
So glad this was reassuring, Brandi! How wonderful to hear from you.
Women are amazing, yes? (I’m lesbian, so agree with you wholeheartedly!)
I wish society would chill and let women like you BE yourselves. It sucks bad that you are unable to be who you are safely and comfortably. I am really happy to hear you do the panties/pee/shaving regime! I am proud of you for that.
Clearly, you are awesome!
I’m not transgender-i just like wearing bras/panties/breast forms underneath my women’s clothes and dresses. As well wearing leggings/blouses/yoga pants with heels/ankle and knee high boots/lipstick/makeup and wigs with perfumes mixed with lotions. Even better having you and the other ldw mistresses along with my friend keeping me this way. With new year and decade approaching its time to start doing this all the time. I was always meant to be this way as it’s who I am and become with accepting this.
What is cool, Paulina, is that you do not need ANY label if you don’t want one. Each of us names ourselves. If you want to be called a Shooting Star, that is what you are. A Shooting Star.
You are so wonderful, Paulina.
lipstick kisses on each cheek
Fantastic and well written post Mistress Daphne! I’m definitely part of the discussion. I’m trying to decide if I’m transgendered. I find that my obsession with humiliation gets in the way of coming to a conclusion. The starting point of being raised and living as a male slants one’s self vision. Can I forget I lived as a male? I had good times then. I wasn’t miserable due to gender. I just knew I was different and had some feelings of being Female inside. I’m 55. The times I grew up In didn’t allow me to explore fully these feelings. The word for someone like me was transvestite. A word I grew to hate and resent. I knew then it didn’t define me. I envy today’s kids. They can seek their truth with less resistance and more resources. It’s easy for others to tell you be yourself and explore but a lot of us have families and responsibilities to live up to. To come out and let the world see who you are can also mean losing your loved ones and dealing with the ridicule of others. I’ve remained private with my evolving truth. I’m taking it step by step and going with the flow. I may be a transgendered female.I may be a sissy. I may be a bisexual male or female. Maybe my sexuality is fluid or evolving. Maybe I don’t have to put a label on myself at all. This is a lot to figure out. I really appreciate You and all the other Mistresses at sissyschool for the conversations we have about these matters.
Dearest Tammy, Thank you for your amazingly thoughtful comment. I love that you explore all the avenues that are possible. You do hit it well when you talk about the LABELS issue, though. Who needs them? Many transfolks choose no label at all and you have every right to do the same.
The thing about labels is, inside ourselves, they mean nothing. Who needs them? Who is asking for them? People outside ourselves, right? And we owe NO ONE an answer. Even when my partner transitioned after 20+ years of marriage, he owed me no explanation either. I felt like I was owed one, but that was my selfish need. The only person who really counted was him.
Same for you. The only person who counts is you.
You are you.
The end. Not anyone else.
You.
And I love YOU!