Casual BDSM: Is That a Thing?

When someone thinks of BDSM… Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and submission, Sadism and masochism… it is usually in the context of a serious, committed relationship. Does it always have to be that way? Is there such a thing as casual BDSM? You bet there is!

 

What Is Casual BDSM?

Casual BDSM might be defined as having a BDSM Scene (an activity) with someone you are not in an intimate relationship with. 

Because of the nature of BDSM and the inherent needs for trust and support, a casual experience might not be as common or likely. But I am here to explain ways you might have a lighter experience. This as opposed to something deeply serious and intense.

Firstly, when you are exploring an easier and less permanent scenario with someone, it is still crucial to have discussions about limits and safewords. If you aren’t sure the person will listen to you if you call Red to stop the Scene, you might not want to continue with the discussions. Believe people if they say, “You won’t need a safeword with me.” That translates to “RUN AWAY FAST!” Everyone in a BDSM Scene or setting must use safewords and they should be honored.

 

 

Setting Up A Relaxed Atmosphere

When beginning your discussion with someone, it’s good if you have not been drinking or drugging. Keeping a clear mind is crucial for making sure everyone is safe. You want to have a great time.

Talking about what kinds of activities you might do together is good even before you head to the final location. If you happen to be in a public Dungeon and that will be the play space, fantastic. What’s nice about playing in a public play place is there is a level of safety built right in. In most Dungeons there are Dungeon Monitors to make sure everyone is safe. They are there to make sure you are well-cared for before, during, and after play.

When the surroundings are set, then the negotiations can begin.

 

 

How to Play with a Minimum of Danger…
and a Maximum of Fun

If you were going to choose your activities based on safety and the fun factor. Let’s make a list:

1. Spanking: With basic spanking, there would not be any tying down done. Merely lying over a bed, a chair, or a lap and you are good to go. If it is with a hand, that in itself lends to limited impact. The hand can only go so hard. Be aware of safewords if the hand is a male’s on a female’s behind, though. Even if you are going towards using an implement to use for paddling, start with the hand. This gets a human connection between the two of you. Start with lighter implements like a hairbrush or wooden spoon before moving to heavier things like a belt or leather strap. Keep those safewords near in your vocabulary.
2. Blindfolding: Blindfolding without any body binding is, in general, a safe BDSM experience for a first time. Before you are blindfolded, check the room for an exit and that first time, unless you implicitly trust the person, do not get tethered, too. That way, if there are any issues, you can yank the blindfold off and head out the door.
3. Binding one hand/arm or one foot. If you want to see how someone plays with rope, agree to having only one appendage tied. That way you can get out if you need to.

 

 

Quick Be Carefuls!

All of these are with the caveat: Unless you know the casual play partner well.

1. No gags of any kind.
2. No binding of all limbs.
3. No playing with dangerous tools like knives or needles.
4. No giving away your phone or wallet.

I know these seem self-explanatory, but when you are in the throes of a BDSM Scene, these can seem alright to do. Keep your mind and headpspace about you as you do casual play without spotters.

Alllll that said, have a wonderful time and you might just be creating
the Scene partner of your dreams!