Most sissies and others who feminize know the binge and purge cycle of buying and then ridding oneself of anything sissy or girlie. Why does this cycle exist and how do you stop it?
Binge and Purge Cycle – from High to Low
The pattern of buying and purging is so common, many articles and blog posts are written about it. For someone like me and the Mistresses I work with, it can be challenging because there is rarely a way to stop the down cycle from occurring, no matter how hard we try. Perhaps this blog post can help understand why the purges happen and even curb them or their frequency.
Sissies & Buying Sprees
When sissies or crossdressers are in a great place, they begin to buy. Binging… that time where you buy loads of panties, bras, stockings, skirts, tops, pajama sets, makeup, hair, shoes… the list is endless, right? Oh, and toys! We can’t forget the toys! The vibrators, anal plugs, prostate toys, nipple clamps… what else do you buy in your binge cycle?
Poring over sissy or CD reading material, spending hours looking at sissy websites and even trans and sissy porn feeds the great feelings of the binging high. Buying from specialty shops online and having the boxes sent to your work or your private post office box are another sign of the great feeling of the binge portion of the cycle.
The Binge High
During this phase, it isn’t unusual for you girls to not be completely careful about what you have, not hiding things well, and even going out places dressed when you typically would not do that. This is also the time when random sex tends to happen, when you are wanting to be seen as the woman you know you are and often only a man can fulfill that need. I ask you to please be careful during this time. Try not to let your clit guide you somewhere you might not want to be in a more thinking time.
The Binging Lull
Binging highs can last from a few days to a few weeks, then the mood settles into a more balanced state and the buying slows down. If there was reckless behavior going on, it tends to level out now. This part of the cycle can last for months or even years for some people. I know girls who have binged and purged over a dozen times in their lives, and others, two or three times. Each person’s lull is different.
Enjoy this phase because it brings the most peace. You aren’t overwhelmed worrying about bills from buying so much or starting to fret about where to hide everything and perhaps you should just vow to never buy anything again and dump it all.
Shame Cycle Begins
Gradually, it creeps over you. This feeling of dread, sadness, or shame. The binge stage tends to come on quickly, whereas this phase slowly takes over your thoughts and emotions. There are times when this part will come quickly and that is typically with a fast life change or issue at hand: a hospitalization, impending marriage, visitors coming. However, those are the exception.
Instead, the idea of being a sissy or crossdresser in this society seems too much weight to bear, each day, the load getting heavier and heavier. Some might be in this pre-purge stage for a few days and others for many months, but each describe it similarly; a feeling of wanting to stop the behavior, to be a “real man,” to be the person society wants them to be.
A hallmark of shame is feeling badly about yourself… wishing you were different… vowing to be different.
With the promise of never doing it again, the dumping begins. You came to the place where you were ready to dispose of your feminine side, tossing all of your clothes and toys into the trash bin. Whether you find a dumpster 20 miles away or you make a run to the city dump, your clothes and toys find their way into our landfills.
I beg of you, if you are going to purge, to consider donating your clothes to a charity that sells used clothing. You can drop them off anonymously in the middle of the night and no one will know. Thrift stores are a great place to get inexpensive clothes, jewelry, sometimes even wigs, so if you have common cycles of buying and purging your feminine things, consider this cheaper alternative to new clothes.
Purging can feel freeing!
Once everything is gone, sissies and CDs often feel an enormous sense of relief. They no longer fear being discovered, realizing the burden they subconsciously carried with them all that time, worrying about that very issue. Sometimes, there are nagging thoughts of “Did I miss something?” but usually there is complete freedom from fear. For awhile. This exhilaration does not last forever, but is almost a mirror image of the glee in the binging stage. If it lasted, no one would begin buying again.
The Cycle Begins Again
Because having a feminine side seems to be more biological than psychological, it can explain why, even though you promised you would never do it again, even bargaining with your Higher Power, you find yourself thinking about dressing again. As the urge grows, there can be a combination of “Not this again,” and a great deal of regret for tossing everything you loved a few months or years earlier. Trying to push the feelings down does not usually work, the needs overwhelm the “logic” of not dressing and you find yourself beginning to buy again.
Stopping the Cycle
It is not impossible to stop the cycle, but, I will be honest, stopping usually comes with the acceptance of who you are as your feminized self, not in the place of remaining “a man.” I have known sissies, crossdressers and transwomen for almost 40 years now and have seen this cycle repeat its loop, almost always only stopping when the person comes to a place of peace with the feminine part of themselves.
As cliché as it sounds, therapy can be a place to learn self-acceptance. I implore you to find someone who will believe you and in your feminine self, not someone who will ridicule and humiliate you for your needs and desires. Local LGBTQ Centers can offer names of therapists you can talk to, often with a sliding scale if you do not want to use your insurance.
Mostly, I want you to know you are not alone. I know it can feel incredibly lonely in these phases, especially the darker ones, but there are hundreds, if not thousands, of other girls doing the exact same thing at the exact same time.
Talk to Us
We Mistresses understand this cycle acutely. We talk to women through 3/4 of it, then we don’t hear from them for months before they return once again, confessing their purging and “failure” to not be able to stop. I really want you to know that being a feminine woman is NOT a failure at all! It is something to be celebrated, even if you can only do it in your mind. You ARE normal. You ARE beautiful just the way you are.
Feel my love, and remember, you are not alone.