Have you ever thought about being in a Female-Led Relationship (FLR)?
I have a client who is in one and it is so powerful, I thought it would be great to share her experience with you. For those of you wishing for a FLR (or Female-Led Marriage – FLM), meet Sarah. Her ideas might really be eye-opening for you as well as offering ways you can gradually, or quickly, introduce having a FLR to your partner.
My questions to Sarah are in BOLD and her answers are in ITALICS.
This from Sarah:
Dear Mistress Daphne,
First of all, I am honored that you approached me to share my experiences of being in a female-led marriage. Becoming a wife to my husband, Emily, is the best decision I ever made, and my husband has graciously granted me permission to answer your questions. I hope this proves helpful.
Sarah
Questions about FLR
How would someone begin to shift a marriage into a FLR?
A man can ask, but it’s really up to the woman. If she is not ready or willing to assume the mantle of leadership and decision-making, then the relationship will fail. A female-led marriage is not a democracy; it is a benign dictatorship. Emily one day announced she would be in control and laid out her ground rules. I could accept or leave. I was terrified, but part of me was also excited. I started doing all the household chores, gave her control of our finances. It was hard and humbling, but as time went on, it started to feel so natural.
What are the benefits to the man in a FLR?
The same as a woman would have expected in an old-fashioned marriage – having someone there to protect them, provide for them, make the big decisions and to love them. Emily sets an incredible example for me and our three daughters as the head of our family, and I am proud of the support role I get to provide. I have become very devout to my vow to love, honor and obey her.
Why would a woman want this kind of marriage?
Because they deserve it! As women gain more prominence in the workforce, politics, etc., why is it written in stone that men must lead? Our family is much better off with Emily setting the rules, making the decisions and handling our finances. Her career thrives because I can alleviate the burden of housework, cooking, errands, etc. Her success is my success, and I am so proud to play my small role in my husband’s incredible accomplishments.
Are men open to this type of marriage? Do men need to be submissive to do this? Can a woman make a man submissive?
Some men are open to this, some are not, and some are but don’t realize it. Yes, the man must be submissive, because this only works if he is willing to cede all authority to his partner. A woman can’t make a man submissive, but she can help him break out of his comfort zone, if he is willing. You can test each other. A woman can see how a man would react to her giving him flowers, holding open the door, maybe ordering for them at a restaurant. A man can see how the woman would react if at a point of a big decision, like a purchase, he turns to her in front of the salesperson and says, “What do you think we should do, dear?” Or maybe in front of a waiter say, “Honey, what would you have me order?”
These are amazing thoughts and ideas, dear Sarah! I look forward to continuing our discussion in the next couple of weeks.
Readers, is this something that interests you? Would you love to be in a FLR, too? How does it make you feel to hear Sarah tell her story with her husband Emily?
This is great!
How do I get into this type of relationship with my masseuse? She talked me into buying blouses and tried them on during my massages and barrowed one of them this weekend saying she will return it tomorrow smelling in perfume. Also said she will take pictures of me with her phone wearing blouses. I’m going to wear my makeup/lipstick/wig/bra and tell her I want to see how I look as a girl and get in touch with my feminine side. Do you think I should just ask her flat out about taking control over me? She already has with my spending so I can do massages 3xweek and monthly waxings. I just don’t think she’s interested. I want her to as this will make me much happier. What are your thoughts about this?
This definitely sounds intriguing! You have to make the decision about asking, however. If you want to, go for it!
I can’t wait to hear what she says.
She said she would take more control over me.
PAULINA!
How exciting for you!! I have been wondering how it turned out.
I am REALLY proud of you for speaking up, telling her your desires (needs?). You really did good.
clapping happily
I’m going to Ms Daphne!! Writing is on the wall. Ms Amber said women love taking control and flr is relationship I need and flourish in. With 2019 around the corner I’m going to get more into this dressing up as a girl as I have everything I need now that I have blouses. With her trying on my blouses and barrowing one of mine as well her telling me she will take pictures of me in them after holidays I’m going to wear makeup/lipstick/wig/bra and tell her I want to see how I look as a girl and get in touch with my feminine side.
Now that we know the answer, I am delighted beyond words at all the ways your strong female has been taking more and more control over you.
And Ms. Amber is absolutely correct, a great many women love to take control and it seems you have found one! Congratulations!
Fascinating piece Mistress Daphne. While my marriage isn’t a FLR my wife does have more control than traditional marriage where the man is in charge. We split the cooking and cleaning. I do all of the laundry and she controls the finances. She also makes more money than I do. I wish and have encouraged her to take more control but she has a hard time doing so as she says she feels selfish in doing so. Hopefully with more encouragement she will take more and more control.
Stephanie,
Your marriage demonstrates that a FLM does not have to be all or nothing, but there are endless possibilities… yours being but one on the spectrum.
I love hearing your experiences… you are an angel to share them when all of us here. Thank you!
I realize that I have always felt it more natural for women to tell me what to do.
It is a bit of a revelation to realize that. It is like it is “in you”. In all honesty it feels more natural to me. I don’t admit this out loud a lot.
Mike,
I certainly appreciate your confession and am proud of you for sharing with us here.
It is in you, it sounds like it is in you, for sure.
Ms. Daphne,
As you know, Jack and I have an FLR. It’s been that way from the start, so there were no awkward conversations. I think it’s great that Sarah has found a relationship that fits him.
Ms. Delia
Your relationship, Ms. Delia, is a model to be followed, for sure. A wonderful way to begin a FLM.
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences. I know they help so so many people!
Ms.Daphne that is wonderful.My dream.
I have been in a female led relationship – even before I had read anything about them or really knew what they were. It has always just felt more right for me to take direction from a female. It is hard to admit this. But when I felt how it felt I knew it was in me and more right. Basically I had a girlfriend who was quite dominant in my early 20’s. She literally told me how things were and what to do. All the time. I think it was the manner in which she did it that had the impact. It was like she did not consider any other way. Certain words and phrases she would use had an effect on me.
“I want you to be home at 3pm”. “You are going to the gym at 11 today”. “Pick up my dry cleaning this morning”. “We are going to “X” restaurant”. It sort of overwhelmed me. It felt like I had to do what she directed. Looking back I know it was in me. It felt more natural but also it was a bit embarrassing at times. I counted on her to not be “too” public about it. Sometimes she was. If her friends were there she would not take the edge off. However if it was total strangers she would sometimes give me a break. I realize now that I needed her a lot.
Owen, that made me WET reading about her! Oh, how I am sure if you could turn back some time, you might have nurtured that relationship a little longer. WOW. That was exquisite. Her tone, her words… I could “hear” them through your words.
Just beautiful.
Thank you for writing! Your writing is quite lovely.
Thank you. I have thought about it and her many times. I think I did not really know what was happening. Maybe if it was now it would be different and I would get it or understand it more. There was a heavy mental aspect of it I still cannot quite grasp. Not every minute but much of the time at least in choices and decisions she treated me like a little boy and she was like an adult strong woman. I had been near women before this and (to be honest) always experienced them as being stronger than me but with this relationship it was the way she spoke to me. It was like “total”. It was as though she simply knew (and expected) that I would totally comply. I think maybe that was part of it. Much of the time it was a “normal” relationship but there was this underlying thing where she could tell me what to do at any time. She even did some things that I won’t go into here but that were sort of even more dominant and that surprised me. Once she was annoyed with me and told me she wanted me to stand in the corner. It is impossible to explain this to most people (I don’t) but I did it. It was like I needed to. As a young adult guy it is hard to explain how you can need to stand in the corner when a female tells you to. I sort of knew it was odd but also I felt like her dominance was comforting to me. I do wish I had understood it better then.
Dearest owen,
I am sure you have already figured out the adage: If I knew then what I know now….
We ALL wish we could go back and change things, you are so not alone.
I am really glad you had the experience you did, even if it is only a memory.
Beautiful memories.
Yes Mistress thankyou, you are a incredibile intelligent Mistress ,great writer.
Happy new year Mistress.