When I was about 18-years old, I became a Born-Again Christian. I’d already been going to the gay bars for a couple of years, lived with 8 gay men, been indoctrinated at the Glory Holes and had had sex with many men, both gay and straight. I had also slept with a couple of women by that time.

So you can imagine I was dealing with a lot of conflict… there was no such thing as LGBT Churches at the time. At the Church I attended, I was able to confess and be forgiven for many of my previous “sins,” but one glitch kept coming up.

I struggled with masturbation. It felt so fucking good, you know? In my classes, “self-abuse” was discussed a lot and condemned overtly. I was so scared to disclose my struggles with these new friends, so I suffered in silence.

Masturbation & Guilt


If you have been in any organized religion, you most assuredly know this same guilt. I know… because I have been there as well as hearing your stories… that you have spent years… sometimes even decades… bargaining with God so you could stop masturbating.

“I promise I won’t masturbate if you give me <fill in the blank>.”

“Lord, I need you to make me stop touching myself. I implore you!”

Some of you have gone to extremes… socks on your hands, rubber bands on your wrist, smacking your genitals instead of stroking, chastity cages… and then sobbing with shame after you gave in yet again.

Just Some Fucked Up Shit


My heart breaks hearing about the inner turmoil so many of us have endured over the years.

Masturbation is absolutely normal.

I know that fact doesn’t override a lifetime of brainwashing from organized religion and screaming parents, but I hope it plants at least a tiny seed inside you that when you feel horrible about touching your cock or clit, you will know, deep inside, you are not sick or perverted for masturbating.


When I was struggling with this issue, a Minister from very high up in our Church’s national organization came to do a few sermons. I immediately felt he might understand; he was so gentle and kind as he talked about controversial issues… maybe he would have an answer for me.

So, when I sat in front of him (as he was behind the big wooden desk) and I divulged my innermost secret shame, asking what the Church really had to say about masturbation. Was there anything in the Bible about it? (NO!)

The man I had put my faith in (and yes, I know he was only one fallible human being) sat there and told me that men could masturbate because they had urges, but women who masturbated would go to Hell.

Not only was I horrified, but I was also disgusted. It was in that moment that I abandoned Christianity. I walked out of that office, vowing to never feel guilty about masturbation again.

Shaking Off the Shame

I wish I had a magic wand to wave over all of us to make the horrible feelings about masturbation vanish immediately, but alas, I don’t. We each have to deal and cope in our own ways… therapy, self-help books, leaving our religions… and for those of us here, working with LDW’s Mistresses. We are so used to -and comfortable- discussing these issues and, with your consent and desire, have ideas for 1) relieving guilt 2) working with lingering/ongoing masturbation concerns.

You are not alone.

My wish for you is that you are able to find peace with your hand/vibrator/toys and feel the immense pleasure masturbating offers us. It is freeing to not feel those shackles of shame anymore. I only hope you, too, can feel the same freedom.