Anyone who has ever been discovered… or disclosed… that they wear panties, knows there is a darker side.

(And, yes, I am aware this goes far beyond just panties. This encompasses all lingerie, women’s clothes, wigs, make-up, diapers, etc. For the sake of the discussion, I am focusing on panties since they are often the catalyst to being a Sissy or Cross Dresser… or a transwoman.)

Before we begin, remember:

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From the first time you were caught wearing panties, you most likely, experienced someone’s horror at your actions. Maybe it was your mother or sister. Perhaps your first girlfriend. It is rare that the observer exhibits a positive reaction. That can elicit feelings of shame and embarrassment in you. It’s not all bad if you got a sexual charge out of the experience, but not everyone does. For those that do, it can linger for the rest of their lives, including consuming their fantasies… wearing panties, being discovered, feeling shame and then having an orgasm. Awesome if that is you!

If you were caught by a partner or spouse, the challenges can be even greater. Threats of separation, removing the kids from the home and divorce unless you stopped the “perverted” behavior are common.This can bring great waves of shame (and not the good kind) where you vow to stop wearing panties/lingerie.


garbage bag

And then you purge.

Perhaps your spouse “helps” clean out your hidden stash of soft and satiny panties. I know many men cry as they purge; it is such an emotional experience.

You hold each item as long as you dare, saying good-bye before putting it into the garbage bag. Or you are so disgusted with yourself, you just grab the clothes in huge handfuls and cram them into the plastic receptacle, promising your partner -and yourself- you will never, Never, NEVER do this again. And at the time, you believe it. Even if you have purged before. Even if you have purged more than once before. Each time, you vow to never repeat this behavior.

You might have been forced into therapy for your “problem.” Or you might have gone on your own, hoping to stop this obsessive behavior. What most find is that therapists are generally accepting of men wearing women’s clothes and will work to help you feel more positive about it instead of trying to get you to quit. Even if you get a therapist that thinks it is a sick behavior (common with religious organizations), you still might not ever be “cured.” (More on this below.)


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Inevitably, the thoughts of wearing panties again creeps into your mind. And fantasies. You thought they were gone, but here they are again. You might find that place of shame again and hover there even as the pressure builds. You can’t believe you are back to feeling your wife’s panties, maybe daring to put them on when she isn’t home. You weigh the risk of getting caught… again… versus fulfilling the growing urge to slide the satin up your legs and onto your cock and ass. You get scared and take them off, but gradually you get more daring and masturbate while wearing them, making sure not to soil the material.

You start feeling that familiar desire to own your own undies and feel immense of regret about all the lovely things you threw away when you Purged. Then you find yourself inside a store, fondling an item. You don’t even know how you got there! It was like you blinked and there you were. In the check-out lane, paying for a dozen things you don’t need… and the precious new panties you crave.

Soon enough, you have a new hidden stash of lingerie that you put on the minute you have the house to yourself. Those feelings of shame have been (for the most part) tamped down as the feelings of euphoria take their place.

Your major stress, of course, is being rediscovered. You try to do everything in your power to not have that happen.


This cycle repeats itself over and over again.

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Some find peace in divorce when they can finally live alone and wear what they want to in their own home. Some never marry or have partners in the first place to avoid the shame and embarrassment of Coming Out about your fetish. Many remain in their relationships and live another, well-hidden, life in lingerie and/or women’s clothes.

If you find yourself in this Cycle of Buy/Purge with heaping doses of shame and humiliation (not the good kind), I am going to beg you to understand that wanting (craving!) to wear women’s underthings is perfectly normal. I wish I could get all of you in a room so you would know how normal this is. You are not bad. You are not perverted. You are not sick in the head. No matter what anyone says!!!!

Coming Out

I didn’t even touch on Coming Out to your partner/family. That will have to be another post.


For now, I insist you begin to see your fetish as something that is so normal, even though people don’t talk openly about it and those that do try to shame you into regret and self-hate. There are those of us out here who see you as delightful and wondrous people (no matter how you identify).

You are loved and appreciated. Always remember that.

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