Yesterday, I got a message, from a first time visitor, in my Yahoo IM, that said something like this:

” I am a very submissive sissy that likes pain and lots of humiliation and I am trying to get the most humiliating way to eat my cumm”

Yeah, something almost exactly verbatim like that.

I demonstrated how to say hello to someone properly: “Well, hello to you, too! How are you doing today?”

And this person messaged me back the same statement above… with a “Hi” in front of it.

I just snortylaughed and thought: “This just HAS to be a post about how to approach a Domme!”


male sub

THIS ^^^^^ IS!

We Dommes are human beings. You are, supposedly, coming to us to ask for a relationship… or at least, some sort of interaction, even if it is only as long as a session. Treating us like a bush you are pissing on isn’t a good start.

Say hello if you are talking to us in chat. If you’re emailing us, talk to us! Don’t just jump into: “I need a dom. I’m submissive.” A significant number of us want a phone call or text session first to establish a connection. These are all awesome ways to begin the process of laying down a foundation for a partnership between two (or more!) people.


Most of us have blogs and reading about who we are on our blogs is a great way to pick up the style of Domme you are looking at. Finding the right Domme is like fitting a key into a lock (and she will surely do that some day!)… some are more humiliating, others are fantastically cruel while others, like myself, are more sensuous. Find someone that resonates with your style or kink; then approach her.

When you have initiated contact with the Domme you’ve learned a little about, listen to her… answer her questions fully and truthfully. Disclose yourself. Be brave. If she asks for a writing assignment afterwards, obey her!

On some occasions, it was immediately clear I wasn’t going to be a good fit with someone and when I said I would refer him out, he would begin a bargaining session with me. “Well, maybe if you did this or that or maybe just tried this,” he would say.

I don’t bargain with subs. I doubt many of us do. If we tell you something, then don’t bloody try to Top from the bottom.

Enjoy the Process

Being in a Domme/sub relationship should be symbiotically pleasant and productive. We are in this together. If one of us isn’t having fun, some part of the dynamic probably needs to shift. Even if your face is in the carpet and you have a dick in your ass, you should be having a good time. Communication is the key.

And it starts at the beginning, when you first figure out how to approach a Domme.


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