PART 1: Serious Topic: Staying Safe With Anonymous Sex can be found here.

I have added a 5th post of resources.

This first part in quotes is repeated:

“What This Series is About & Who It’s For

“I talk to a great number of guys and gals who put out ads to meet people in order to have sex, most often, anonymous. I worry about them and want them safe. (I want YOU safe, too!)

“Whether you are a straight cocksucker, closeted gay, a sissy or transwoman…there are some safety concerns I want to talk about. I am writing this series because I feel compelled to talk about these things on calls but struggle with not wanting to ruin your fantasy with reality. Ms. Delia suggested I write a post instead.

There look to be at least 4 Sections:

  • Devising a Safety Plan to Protect Yourself
  • Physical Risks of Anonymous Sex and How to Get Immediate Help
  • Emotional Healing After Physical/Sexual Assault
  • Sexual Risks of Anonymous Sex and How to Minimize Those Risks

Topics I cover include:

  • Ways to minimize being arrested
  • Ideas for explaining your wounds to your family and friends
  • Strategies for staying safe, physically, sexually and emotionally
  • How to interact with law enforcement and medical personnel
  • A growing list of Resources for all aspects of sexual, physical and emotional health

“Know that you have choices about everything! So, take what works for you and leave the rest.

This is absolutely NOT a directive you have to follow.

Just things and ideas I’ve learned from over 30 years of anonymous sex.”

Physical Risks of Anonymous Sex

Your physical safety is of utmost importance. (I am not speaking about sexual safety yet.)

Transwomen especially need to put safety plans in place. Transwomen are the #1 target of violence in the United States. Sissies fall into the next most abused category, often mistaken for transwomen.

Even straight cocksuckers, though, risk their safety, the high-threat time being immediately after the dominant person has orgasmed. It is not uncommon for their shame to flood them right after they cum and sometimes take it out on the unsuspecting, more submissive, person on their knees.

Physical abuse such as slapping, hitting, punching, burning, etc. are not the only risk, though these are the most common ways folks are hurt. Sexual assault (including Rape) is another risk of having sex with anonymous men.

The 2015 U.S. Transgender Survey found that 47% of transgender people are sexually assaulted at some point in their lifetime.”

Sextortion

One really important note: It is not uncommon, if the person knows you even a little… knows where you live, your partner’s name, your email address (ALWAYS get yourself a different email for sexual encounters/strangers… never your real email address), etc… to threaten you with disclosure to your family if you tell anyone. They might also blackmail you for money or continuing sexual favors. While it can seem safer to have sex with people you know, be aware of this ongoing issue for too many men and women. There are pros and cons to each choice.

CHOOSE YOUR SEX PARTNERS CAREFULLY.

Do not just be led by your dick or clit, but use your brain, too.

If You Are Physically/Sexually Hurt

I know your number one concern is being outed… whether to family or work. This is a very real concern, especially if you are not conscious. You do need to remember that, when you go home, you will have wounds and your family will want some answers. BE READY WITH AN EXPLANATION. You really need to consider if you say a car accident because the typical insurance company, car damage, etc. will be missing and difficult to explain away. Something plenty of people use is they were in a bar fight. Even if you are not supposed to be drinking, that might be the best way to get out of “Why didn’t you call the police?!”

Unless you are having sex for money, the likelihood of being arrested is low. Yes, both parties (if the assailant is still there) might be arrested until the details are teased out, but you do not need to give them any family information. You might have to sit in jail for some time, but, depending on how you feel about your family knowing, you can call them for help or not.

Medical Help

You also really might need some medical help.

Who should you call?

Many transwomen would beg you to exercise caution calling 911, especially the police. I will not elaborate, but please read this link from the Human Rights Campaign.

So if you are wary of calling 911 or the police, who can you go to?

Emergency Medical Technicians and Ambulance crews are overwhelmingly compassionate. They do usually come with Fire and Police, though, so that complicates things somewhat.

If you can get yourself to an Emergency Room, you, most likely, will be cared for properly. The doctor or nurse might not be terribly nice and respectful (though I am seeing that changing with LGBTQ training for medical folks), but they will tend to your wounds. They also will not call your family if you tell them not to. However, if you have to be hospitalized, you will have some decisions to make.

EMS and hospitals are so used to seeing men in panties, bras, stockings, etc. that you do not need to disrobe the feminine attire before anyone sees you. It is NOTHING to them. I promise. Nothing. And if you have been assaulted, especially sexually, keeping everything on can help medical folks help you get the care you need.

If you do call your family to the hospital, instruct the Head Nurse that NO ONE is to mention anything about your situation. She will alert the doctors and everyone who will enter your room.

Last Words on This Post

I am ending this post, but the next installment speaks about shame, mental health, and emotional recovery if you are assaulted.

Before I end, though, I need you to know that if you were physically or sexually assaulted:

What happened to you was a crime.

You are not to blame for the assailant’s behavior.

 

Resources for Physical and Sexual Assault Help & Healing

Part 1 – Serious Topic: Staying Safe With Anonymous Sex

Part 3 – Serious Topic Series: Sex & Sexual Assault

Part 4 – Emotional Healing After Physical/Sexual Assault