What This Series is About & Who It’s For

I talk to a great number of guys and gals who put out ads to meet people in order to have sex, most often, anonymous. I worry about them and want them safe. (I want YOU safe, too!)

Whether you are a straight cocksucker, closeted gay, a sissy, or transwoman..there are some safety concerns I want to talk about. I am writing this series because I feel compelled to talk about these things on calls but struggle with not wanting to ruin your fantasy with reality. Ms. Delia suggested I write a post instead.

There look to be at least 4 Sections:

  • Devising a Safety Plan to Protect Yourself
  • Physical Risks of Anonymous Sex and How to Get Immediate Help
  • Emotional Healing After Physical/Sexual Assault
  • Sexual Risks of Anonymous Sex and How to Minimize Those Risks

Topics I cover include:

  • Ways to minimize being arrested
  • Ideas for explaining your wounds to your family and friends
  • Strategies for staying safe, physically, sexually and emotionally
  • How to interact with law enforcement and medical personnel
  • A growing list of Resources for all aspects of sexual, physical and emotional health

Know that you have choices about everything! So, take what works for you and leave the rest. This is absolutely NOT a directive you have to follow. Just things and ideas I’ve learned from over 30 years of anonymous sex.

These are heavy topics; you are forewarned.

Devising a Safety Plan

If you are going to have anonymous sex or sexual encounters with people you meet online, I want to offer a few tips that can help you stay safe(r) than if you did not have a Safety Plan in place.

Do not bring the person to your home. No matter what. Do not let them convince you with: “I don’t have money for a hotel,” “I promise, we’ll be fast,” “I’m the Dominant and you have to do what I say.” None of that, or anything else, qualifies as a reason to take a stranger to your home. NEVER bring a “date” to your home.

Do your best to never go to the home of a stranger or someone you have known for a short time.

Go to a hotel! There are many reasons, but one is it is neutral ground. There are also people around if you need help.

Arrange a check-in with someone you trust. If any trusted friends know of your activities, let them know where you are going and what time.

Call them before you go in the room and again, afterward, when you get in the car to let them know you are fine.

Or, you can ask them to call you to make sure everything is cool after a certain amount of time… 30 min? 45? You decide.

Have a benign word or phrase to use as a “Safeword” when they call  if things are not going well and you need help… something like, “Yeah, the news has been bad today,” or “Yeah, my car needs to go in the shop.” Something regular the other person would not recognize as a call for help, but a definite alert for your friend.

If you have no one to tell, make sure you go to a hotel and work out an arrangement with the clerk. Have him knock on the door in an hour, perhaps. Or if you have not checked in with him in a couple of hours, he can knock, and if there is no answer, come in to make sure all is well.

Do not exchange money! The last thing you want is to be arrested for prostitution and have your face on the news. If the date offers money, that is a high alert for the person being a cop. My advice is to leave.

Listen to your instincts! We all know that feeling of doom, that horrible creeping feeling that goes up our spines and sets our hair on end. If you feel like something is wrong, TRUST THAT! If, at any time, you want to leave, LEAVE. You owe no one an explanation. You do not owe them an orgasm. You do not owe them one thing. If you begin and want to stop… for whatever reason (the person is filthy/it isn’t what you thought it would be/you think, “I’m not ready for this!”)… ANY REASON… you have the right to leave. NO MEANS NO for you, too.

While No Means No sounds fabulous, if you are leaving in the middle of sex, the other person might get pissed, so have your exit strategy ready so all you have to do is get out the door. Keep your phone and keys in your pants. Go outside the door naked and put your pants on out there if the person behind you is hollering at you to get back and finish what you started. GET AWAY as fast as you can.

I would say that most anonymous fucking sessions, when interrupted with a person changing their mind, go perfectly fine. But, just have things worked out in your head and IF the situation calls for it, you will be ready.

Resources for Physical and Sexual Assault Help & Healing

Part 2 – Serious Topics Series: Physical Risks of Anonymous Sex

Part 3 – Serious Topic Series: Sex & Sexual Assault

Part 4 – Emotional Healing After Physical/Sexual Assault